Today was the first day of school. It was ok, but I'd like to share with you what really stood out today...

I slipped on a french fry in the cafeteria and walked around all day with french fry grease on my shoe.

Also Musical Theater class was fun. To sing you need a special way of breathing. A common exercise for it is to put a book on your stomach and make sure it goes up first then down. We did this, but with a little twist. The teacher comes over and steps on the book on my stomach and presses. He explained it 2 seconds before he did it and of course I was first. Then we did this neck placement technique for good posture. I'm first again. He grabs my head I'm thinking "ok...that's fine" He tilts it up "ok..." Then pulls. It was painful. After class my neck was sore.

Thank you all for reading the odd occurrences of my everyday life :)

Do's and Don'ts of the Audition Process

Do's/Don'ts...you decide

1. Suck up to the director.
2. Dress like the character in an obvious way (especially if the character has a unique costume).
3. Run in and hug the director when you first enter.
4. Introduce yourself as Colin Mochrie.
5. Bring in adorable baby pictures and try to get the directors to look through as many albums as possible.
6. Openly tell the director about your personal problems.
7. Steeple your fingers and say "excellent..." as you enter.
8. Insist that you are Obi Wan Kenobi.
9. Yell angrily at the director after the audition.
10. Bring a slide show of your boring vacation and show it to the director.
11. Refer to the director as "The Man" or "Homeslice"
12. Yell "Hi --insert directors name-- I haven't seen you forever! omigod!" (I've seen it done.)
13. Yell "Oh that audition sucked! I did awful! I suck! I hate it!"
14. Use "Don'tcha" as your audition song.
15. Offer the director sushi
16. Constantly quote the "Spongebob" and say it's from the "good book"
17. Bring a sheep on stage with you.
18. Sing the Oscar Mayer Weiner song for your audition.
19. Read from the dictionary to the director.
20. Offer the director breath mints
21. Ask if you should read the part as a prostitute
22. Try to convince the director that you have rabies
23. Ask if you can offer them a bribe
24. Insist on announcing your innermost thoughts as if you were drunk and had no control
25. Ask them how they're able to floss their huge teeth (even if they don't have them)
26. Claim you're one of the lost boys from Peter Pan
27. Ask if the director can hear the voices too
28. Ask if they have any chocolate covered laxatives you can borrow
29. Go over the most embarrassing moments of your life and insist they listen
30. Tell them about your love life in excruciating detail
31. When they ask what part you're auditioning for say that "Luther" your friend right next to you is the one auditioning
32. Egg their house the night before auditions and happen to have the empty egg carton sticking out of your bag
33. Ask them if they need a visit to Dr. Phil
34. Try to psychoanalyze them saying many "Oh, I sees and repeating their last sentence. Ask them when it all started.
35. Bring a ukulele and play a Hawaiian song complete with hula girls
36. Ask if they're wearing contacts and poke their eyes many times to see for yourself
37. When you try to tell about your past performances continuously forget what you were saying filling in spaces with random facts about corn.
38. Ask them if they know the Muffin Man and if they don't play along poke them continuously
39. Breathe down their neck on purpose
40. Do a rap music video on why you should get the part of a young innocent sweet girl.
41. Come wearing a disco outfit
42. When you need to fake cry, pull out a leg hair (Joey from Friends)
43. Ask if they've ever been told they look like Fall Out boy in full make up
44. Continuously do Carol Channing's voice
45. When you're done with the audition ask if you can do a best 2 out of 3
46. Set up a huge chain of dominoes in the middle of the room over night and stay until auditions and knock them over
47. Ask if you can wear a monocle for the part

48. Tell them stories about how your dad is an obnoxious angry drunk (My driving teacher told us those every day)
49. Ask if you can adapt the style of the musical to become gospel, rap, or punk rock
50. Tell them they have unsightly nose hairs

50 MORE Ways to Upstage Someone
                                   With little to no lines


51. Drive a zamboni around the stage
52. Drive a lawn mower around the stage
53. Be the shadow of the other actors and actresses
54. Yell "Yankees rule!" and watch a riot begin
55. Start waxing your legs in the middle of the stage
56. Pretend to be talking to someone in the audience and make obnoxiously big and rude gestures and facial expressions.
57. Scream all of your lines with no expression just to project. (I've seen someone do this.)
58. Throw rocks at the audience
59. Throw money into the audience
60. Play hand games like "Mary Mack" with an imaginary person
61. Echo all of the lines eerily
62. Do your lines like Gollum (complete with split personality and conversations with yourself)
63. In the middle of the play or musical, shout out "Luke! I am your father!"
64. Narrate the play like a boring show on Animal Planet with a monotone voice
65. After each line, say "he said"
67. Read the stage directions
68. Shoot Lysol or Febreeze in the other actors and actresses eyes making them temporarily blind leaving you to perform.
69. Use hand motions for every word in every sentence...maybe even every syllable
70. Streak across the stage or moon everyone
71. Wear 10 inch heels to each performance. (This would make me normal height. lol)
72. Perform a wedding ceremony on the stage (bring a hobo for the groom)
73. Hang a piñata center stage and hit at it
74. Work out in the middle of the stage (for added affect dress as Richard Simmons) 
75. Frequently stick your head up from the orchestra pit
76. Remove earwax from your ears with q-tips in the middle of the stage
77. Start doing a very strange form of modern dance
78. Make loud sarcastic or rude remarks about the other actors and actresses
79. Chew gum really obnoxiously
80. Bring some random people off the streets on the stage and have them dress up as trekkers with you.
81. Ask people on stage and in the audience if they want to trade poke on cards
82. Stuff socks into your costume until you look like Pamela Anderson-Then pretend to be top heavy and trip continuously...also block out the other actors and actresses
83. Do an infomercial on the side of the stage
84. Give yourself a mudpack in the middle of the stage
85. Pretend you're possessed and run around the stage babbling loudly
86. Do all of your lines in a thick German accent
87. Say all your lines in Japanese
88. Drag a foosball table on the stage and start playing. (Why? Because foosball is a cool word.)
89. Repeat a motion a million times even if it's as simple as touching your fingers together.
90. Make your make-up obnoxiously dark
91. Bring in a chainsaw and cut wood with it
92. Chase an imaginary spider across the stage and when you have everyone's attention, eat it
93. Mime. Pretend to be in a box
94. Sing the Star Wars theme
95. Sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves"
96. Shave in the middle of the stage
97. Bring an emu on the stage (because emus are cool)
98. Throw a fishing line into the audience
99. Be in your own little world and when you forget your lines make a fuss about it and keep going on about it.
100. Shout "I owe Kerry for these tips!" In the middle of the play or musical.

Hi everyone! I have an "interesting" story for you all. ;)

I went to the mall today with my best friend. We shopped and walked around.
I bought big heart earings, sun glasses, and candy. We went in the Sweet Factory. I got some malted milkballs and orange slices and cinnamon bears. 
This is where the fun begins...

Then I saw the jaw breakers...They were about the size of my fist. I bought it just so I could see what it was like to have something that big in your mouth. I put it in and it barely fit. It took up all of the area in my mouth. I tried to put it in the side in my cheek, but it wouldn't fit...I ended up spitting it in the trash and getting blue stuff all over my hand.

My friend and I ran to the bathroom and washed it off my hands. My tongue and lips were-and still are completely blue. I didn't get it off my mouth, but most of it came off my hands.

This has been a day in the life of Kerry.

50 Ways to Upstage Someone
                                   With little to no lines


1. When you have a tiny line, lunge in front of the other actors.
2. During the Finale, kick the leads off the stage and take a huge bow.
3. Appear in every scene even if you're not supposed to be there.
4. Pop up randomly in every scene. For added affect, pop up between the 2 leads while they kiss.
5. Fool with the sound machine and turn the sound down on everyone else's microphone and make yours louder.
6. Say random things like "asparagus" and "botox" in random scenes-especially dramatic scenes.
7. Pants the other actors and actresses.
8. Eat a sub sandwich with garlic and sardines in it and breathe around the stage until everyone on stage faints.
9. Replace the back drop with an overhead projector with a picture of your face on it.
10. Fool with the lights and make the spotlight completely on you while not doing anything of interest.
11. Do a stage dive at a random moment.
12. If it is a sad play or musical, throw yourself on the ground center stage crying.
13. If the play is Shakespearian, rewrite the play so that everyone but you dies.
14. Blow your nose loudly and obnoxiously while on stage. (Make sure to look in the Kleenex)
15. Break out into a major dance number at a dramatic moment.
16. Make your lines longer. For example if your line is "That's the way it seems" say "That is indeed the way it would appear to be my friend."
17. Start singing "Sharing is Caring" at a random moment.
18. Plant people in the audience to hold signs that say "I love _____" and have them scream your name. 
19. At a random moment shout out a famous quote like "You can't handle the truth!"
20. Pretend to see a fly and chase it all around the stage while constantly swatting your fellow actors and actresses.
21. In the middle of the play or musical tap your microphone and say "Testing-1, 2...testing..."
22. Drag your delirious grandmother onto the stage and insist on introducing her to your fellow actors and actresses as she babbles.
23. Spaz out whenever an actor or actress says "it".
24. Put grease all over the stage except for the one spot where you stand.
25. At a random moment step in front of the lead and make a speech about how you want to thank the academy.
26. Every time the lead does something, follow them exactly.
27. Stay underfoot while the leads are acting.
28. Swear at the top of you lungs to make everyone quiet. Then shrug and let the show continue. This works best if you repeat it.
29. Bring a crying baby on the stage and ask the audience what they suggest to quiet it.
30. Throw pies at the other actors and actresses.
31. Have a very loud and obnoxious conversation with one of your fellow actors or actresses 
32. If the stage has balconies, jump down from one and insist that you are the phantom of the opera.
33. During intermission, make up your own commercials.
34. If the play or musical takes place a long time ago, be the only one to wear a very modern and bright outfit.
35. Blind the other actors and actresses with the lights leaving you to perform.
36. Over act in a very obnoxious way forcing people to watch you.
37. Run on to the stage screaming "They're after me! They’re after me!"
38. Come dressed up as Harry Potter while everyone else is in costume for the play or musical.
39. Begin digging in the middle of the stage and tell everyone you're trying to find an underground civilization.
40. In the middle of the play, start making out with one of your fellow actors.
41. Yell out "Bush rules!" or a controversial political view and watch the riot start.
42. Gain 100 pounds and block as many of your fellow actors and actresses as possible.
43. Start singing songs from other musicals in the middle of the musical you're putting on.
44. Put on extremely loud rap music and break dance center stage.
45. Dress up as Dr. Spock and stand in the background.
46. Throw dodge balls at the other actors and actresses.
47. Pretend to be Michael Jackson in the middle of the stage. (Complete with dance moves).
48. Do your hair and make up in a wild, obnoxious way-this works even better if you're a boy.
49. Bring your cell phone onstage and make loud obnoxious prank calls.
50. If all else fails, beat yourself up. Everyone will want to watch.


Finally, I'd like to say that I act a lot and I would never do any of these things. But, it is fun to laugh at! ^_^